Creativity is the name of the game as dads Walk the Tightrope
The Author |
For Mother?s Day, our 12-year-old daughter Elizabeth sent me a Hallmark card: And the words go like this Amazing Mom ? how sweet you are to raise a child like me. Sometimes I am good, sometimes I am bad, But you still love me ? I used to be bad, but now I am good because I have a mom like you.
What do fathers feel about parenting? Do they feel that being a father today is a whole lot more challenging than our dads did? Or do they just take it in their stride. Naturally, the first person whom I posed this question to was my husband Peter. My unflappable husband just grunted. I don?t think in his role of a father, anything more could have shocked him than to hear our eight-year-old son Andrew greet him, “Hi buster”.
My next recourse was relatives and friends. Prompt came a reply from from New Zealand. “It would have been much easier to write on how challenging it is to be a husband these days…!!!” That spoke for the indescribable challenges. Here are some daddies? who have shared their thoughts.
Allwyn Fernandes, Mumbai: “Certainly more challenging to be a Mangalorean father these days than it was half 30 or 40 years ago years ago. In those days a father could lay down the law. Today, he has to come up with convincing answers not just to questions like why, but also why not? Children know more, think more, are subjected to greater peer pressure and influences than earlier. Fathers cannot pretend that these influences do not exist or that their children are immune to them. They also have to handle situations as they arise in a manner that is constructive even if they face opposition — that demands a lot of creativity.”
Keith Lasrado Shenoy, Mumbai : “The Greatest Gift I ever had…It came from God …They call him Dad’. When my little son presented me a bookmark with these words imprinted on them, I understood the significance of my role in new light. Fatherhood is a gift, a privilege… I was not going to waste it.
Like most gifts …fatherhood can be a surprise…soiled nappies, colic, sleepless nights… are all part of the package. As you go along unravelling your treasure, it is a process of discovery and learning …many times unlearning the rules and equations you grew up with.
Enjoying and spending time with your treasure can put pressure. Being there at the football match, escorting him/her to the school concert, doctor’s appointments; a child needs his/her father’s presence much more than in the past and he is rather more articulate about his needs.
It is more challenging than in the past because it is that fine balancing act, dealing with minds that are exposed, thinking, questioning and vocal. So while you talk as friends and discuss most issues threadbare, the constant challenge is in asserting your position as father and knowing where and when to draw the line. Getting your kids to appreciate the need for discipline and standards is another aspect of the challenge. Walking the talk is therefore the only way, the only lesson that in the long term impacts.
While I think each generation has its own set of challenges and circumstances, for us in the present day it is the media explosion and the unfiltered messages that our kids are exposed to without the mental or emotional maturity to uncode the barrage. Shaping, moulding and nurturing minds to make fair, enlightened choices in a very materialistic/competitive world is what our challenge is about.”
Brian Pais, Mumbai: “To give my children roots and wings has always been my dream but turning dream into reality is proving a tough challenge. Establishing the roots while they were very young was a pleasure and I always tried to be there for my children, to give them confidence through plenty of love and support and by taking interest in all their activities. Now, as my children grow into adolescents giving them wings is what?s proving to be the challenge. In this information age, where children have an answer for every argument put forward, the line between discipline and freedom seems very finely drawn. My current focus is on reinforcing the roots of valuing them, supporting them and encouraging them, while trying to be fair and impart whatever guidance they will accept as they test their ever strengthening wings.”
Any constructive comments from the Fathers’ walking a tightrope are welcome!
Author: Matilda Yorke- Bangalore
