Being Vulnerable- To live, love and bond

Being Vulnerable- To live, love and bond

Read on a poster somewhere “What makes you vulnerable makes you beautiful”.

Opening up to people and showing your innermost feelings is what vulnerability is all about. Being vulnerable is not just about showing the parts of you that are shiny and pretty and fun. It’s about revealing what you deny or keep hidden from other people.

If we have lived long enough, we have been hurt several times in your life. Whenever you were let down by others, it is natural to react by shutting ourselves off from intimacy by building walls around our hearts to protect ourselves from ever getting hurt again. We feel we are freed from the burden of forming any emotional attachment that could tug at our heartstrings.

Taking refuge in a cold cave might protect us temporarily but without the warm fire of love and care, we will eventually freeze.

We are all wired to have a meaningful connection with others. Within us is a deep intrinsic need to be seen, loved and accepted for who we are.

We feel that when we reveal our authentic selves, there is the great possibility that we will be misunderstood, labelled or worst of all, rejected. The fear of rejection can be so powerful that some of us wear it like armour.

Whenever we were let down by others, it is natural to react by shutting ourselves off from intimacy by building walls around our hearts to protect ourselves from ever getting hurt again. The more we have endured the thicker our walls become.

Sharing a story about ourselves makes you vulnerable. Since stories are about transformation, telling a personal story requires you reveal a flaw, error, or a roadblock that was difficult to overcome.

We find solace within our solitary environment and cut off from any emotional attachment that could tug at our heart strings.

Whenever someone approaches you with some painful experience, remember that they aren’t expecting you to solve their problems or heal their wounds. All they want is someone to trust, someone to genuinely listen to them and empathise with them.

Many of us attempt to numb our wounds from the past with excessive eating, resorting to alcohol or drugs or shutting down emotionally. I coped with my pain in difficult times by escaping into a world of idealism and choosing to approach life with an almost childlike naivette. I was in denial about my feelings and deemed any relationship that required a heavy emotional investment as risky and potentially disruptive to my inner peace.

But then I realised that maybe life isn’t about avoiding the bruises. Maybe it’s about collecting the scars to prove that we showed up and stood up no matter how many times we have had a fall.

What happens when you open your hearts- You get better and that‘s the beauty of life. Vulnerability finally becomes your biggest strength.

You can be vulnerable and put yourself out there or hide from your story and give up on life.
Sharing your fears and failures can be a daunting task. You start valuing the opinions that pull you forward and ignore the ones that don’t serve the purpose.

Vulnerability teaches us to be comfortable with who we are. We all have horrible ugly warts in the form of weaknesses, failures and addiction.

Read somewhere that we can always achieve our goals tomorrow.

The trouble is tomorrow never comes. Then suddenly one day we are old, grey-haired, and with no energy to do anything other than complain about the news and how life is unfair.

Vulnerability is inspiring. Why? Loved ones who are genuinely concerned about you want to listen to your innermost difficult moments in your life. Not to know your personal secrets, but for the strategy on how you went from a challenging obstacle to winning the race. We are all addicted to the hero/shero’s journey and that always requires vulnerability. Opening up is the only way to build a connection.

We all do anything we can to avoid pain. By confronting danger, uncertainty and intimidation, we develop a warrior- like strength.

I have realised that when you numb the pain and choose not to be vulnerable, you also numb the positive emotions as well. Unfortunately, our human mind and heart can’t selectively numb the negative. It ends up numbing both positive and negative emotions as well.

I wonder why we rarely tell people how much we care about them? Why do we wait until moments of strife, illness, or loss to express how we feel about someone?

We all need somebody talk to – Not just pitter-patter talk, but real talk. We shouldn’t be afraid to show the real us because out there are individuals just like us. When you show you are vulnerable it makes them free to be vulnerable and that is when real communication takes place. Opening up and sharing your dreams, fears, hopes and fears, aspirations, that’s what life is all about.

But I also feel that being open about your vulnerabilities is fine, using it to manipulate others kindness is not. Using it as the sole crutch to connect with people — to get more comments and likes — is not. That’s when people go from “open” to needy and pathetic. Take for instance some of the media gimmicks that have made opening up a big worldwide joke.

If you talk about vulnerability over and over on social media — without balancing it out with your positive thoughts on a topic, or your accomplishments, or some other insight — you attract only people who love talking about failure. The person who focuses on excellence — after a bout of vulnerability — will live a Rich and happy Life.

Everyone goes through a bout of a bad phase at least a few times in their lives and it was during one such crisis that I had experienced recently where I realised the importance of positive strokes from loved ones. From my Colleagues ( who are more than family to me) to a Church that supported and never condemned me to my extended family and loved ones and a few loyal friends who stood by me, I more than ever experienced the love, warmth and unconditional help that was much needed. They helped me regain my sense of self, honour my emotions and have the courage to accept where I was at each day, taking it on one moment at a time. By reaching out, being vulnerable, and letting others in, I felt more connected and confident that I would get through this. There are many people around us who are struggling with one of life’s many problems.

My experience has taught me that supporting one another to fulfill our individual and collective potential is why we are all here. Sometimes, all it takes to connect with someone else is sharing our vulnerable story, lending an ear or a shoulder, and just being present for them.

At the end of it all, I wake up each day even more grateful than the day before. I feel at peace. I feel blessed for my life as it comes at me, one complete and beautiful moment after the other.

Yes, TV mega Serials and media that excites and often distorts incidents with their yellow journalism news, that go on forever focus more on the crookedness, gossip and evil intentions that surround you, but in real life,the more you focus and channel your energy to the positive people around you, the more the number of blessings that you receive over time.

So the next time you are down don’t hesitate to be honest and sincere with your feelings and emotions and hurt that you go through. You can never get close to people with a mask on your heart.

If you want to be loved and accepted, go ahead take the risk for once and be the real you. That’s when life and loved ones will offer you their best.

So three cheers to Vulnerability, Transparency and Integrity…..