Create your own HAPPY Story this NEW YEAR 2020
I remember a rather hot and sweltering day when I was busy invigilating in the exam room that held 80 plus students. There was a shortage in the power supply, and we grumbled, worried and cursed silently, hoping and praying for the lights and fans to turn on. I wondered as to what could have gone wrong with the generator and looked outside my window. And then I heard the happy humming of a cheerful voice singing “MARIA PITA CHE…. OHHHH… MARIA PITA CHE, OHHHH MARIA PITA CHEEE, OH MARIA PITACHE”.
I was curious now. If it was hot inside! Then it would be hot as HELL outside! Who would be crazy enough to sing and be so lively when the heat was enough to give one a stroke!
And right next to the window I noticed a man in his eighties probably, leaning against the wall, painting it brown. He had a calm serene smile on his face and a song on his lips. It was an ordinary scene, but till this day it is the happy attitude of the man that is etched in my memory. Every time I feel irritated and cranky about the minute annoyance or displeasure I have to face, I deliberately bring to my mind the frail old man with the smiling face. Something similar to William Wordsworth’s poem about the dancing daffodils that he recalls to mind when he is in a pensive mood, I guess.
And then it struck me! This is what Inspiration was all about!
I look around and I realised that all we need to do is look around and search for the one thing that inspires us.
Inspiration to me would be the young husband who stood by his wife as she fought her tough battle against Cancer and came out completely healed. Inspiration to me would be the once terrified parent of a child addicted to drugs fight through the toughest of times and be tearfully happy on the Graduation Day of the now successful son/daughter.
Inspiration to me would be an ex-student calling to tell me that she is now an established Doctor and doing really well in life. The same student who years earlier was a frightened little girl struggling to save her mother from being beaten up by her abusive father and promising me that one day she would grow up and take care of her family.
Inspiration to me would be the differently-abled boy in one of the College Canteens I visited. Working hard to support his family and make ends meet, while at the same time trying to complete his M.Com, so that he could opt for better job perspectives.
Joyce Meyer, Jay Shetty, Gaur Gopal Das, Ted Talks…. Are a few of my favourites. There are millions more out there in the REAL and REEL World that are inspirational, motivational and awe-inspiring in their own way. They make us see life through a different tunnel.
I know, I know. As of now, there seems to be an overload of positivity and “looking at life through coloured glasses” kind of images all around us and somewhere this is taking us to another extreme dilemma.
We are all kind of done with the overdose of positivity, motivational talks and rags to riches stories that we hear about and witness on Social Media Day IN and Day Out. But the strange reality that we are unfortunately seeing around us is that in spite of all the positivity overflow, these are also times when suicides are on a slow and steady rise. If everything is so hunky-dory why does it look like the world around us is slowly disintegrating?
According to the World Health Organisation survey done, India has the highest suicide rate in the South-East Asian region India’s suicide rate stood at 16.5 suicides per 100,000 people in 2016, according to the WHO report. This was higher than the global suicide rate of 10.5. Saddening and terrifying Case Studies make us more and more disheartened every day.
Read an article about how everyone is striving really hard and pressurising themselves to be positive all the time. The article stated that wanting a positive experience all the time was in itself a negative experience. But accepting a negative experience was a positive experience. The Philosopher Alan Watts refers to this as “ The BACKWARDS LAW”- the idea that the more you pursue feeling better all the time, the less satisfied you become, as pursuing something only reinforces the fact that you lack it in the first place. At times, it is very important to express your feelings. This is something that is missing in our relationships today. Be it in our workplace, our homes or in the community around us we are trained to prove that ALL IS WELL. We are taught that showing our negative emotions is a sign of weakness. Everyone puts on a brave front and struggles inwardly in the fear of being labelled a misfit, a non-conformist, a rebel or fragile at heart.
Shouldn’t it be alright for us to embrace the weak sides of people too? I strongly believe that if someone wants to cry and vent out their feelings, LET THEM! If we are angry or frustrated or unhappy with someone’s actions, it is right to share the reason for your anger or frustration. If we are happy or pleased with someone’s attitude towards us, it is best to show them your appreciation and love. What feels weird and disturbing at times. Is seeing expressionless faces, devoid of all emotions going through life like machines or pieces of wood.
One incident that happened not so long ago was when I was stuck in a Government Office. (I won’t mention which one, for safety’s sake. I love my life you see! )I had to get some work done but I was running from pillar to post for nearly five hours. My water bottle was empty, I hadn’t eaten the whole day and finally, when I made it to the last counter, the not so kind lady at the desk asked me to produce a letter and go through the entire official process all over again.
By then I was simply exhausted to the core and I unwittingly burst out crying and bawling. I realised that the only other individuals crying at the same time were 2 to 5-year-olds who were with their parents in the same pathetic state that I was in. I have never seen anyone panic and finish my work in five minutes straight. I realised I owed her an explanation and stated that it was starvation and frustration that had made me act so bizarre. She held my hand as she kindly said “Work was hectic for us too. I haven’t even had my breakfast. I understand”.
A very silly incident no doubt, but that made me realise that no matter how strong or tough or mature we try to be, all of us still have that little child in us waiting to be comforted and loved. It is said that the easiest thing in the world is to judge people, the toughest is to understand them. If all of us learned to lend our ears, stretched out helping arms or just gave a shoulder to cry on the World would definitely be a happier place.
I am sure that many, many among us, young and old, have at one time or the other have had suicidal thoughts. It could be a bad marriage, financial constraints, handling problematic children or ailing parents, anything at all. Stress and loneliness have become the epidemics of this century. It is sad even when 18-year-olds share their stories of attempted suicides and substance abuse. There is this wrong vibe going around that sex, drugs, alcohol and social media addiction is on the rampant now. Yes, they are! But when you probe and dwell into the matter a bit deeper, you realise that everyone is just looking for unconditional love, solace and companionship. The problem is most of us are looking for it in the wrong places and in wrong things.
I am not an expert on this subject, but all I can say is that in my darkest, saddest, most difficult times, the people who stood by me were a handful. But they were the genuine, real, loved ones who understood what I was going through and weren’t even judgemental for a second. Now my circle is small but I know I ll be there for them as much as they have stood by me and that is how relationships are built. Finding your own set of loved ones is the happiest and most satisfying feeling ever. Even if it is some loved and trustworthy friend and well-wisher you could talk to and share your life experiences with, it is certain that you would have the comfort and solace you need. All you’ve got to do is pray and seek for someone who ll just be there for you.
WE could all have 1000 plus friends on Instagram, Whatsapp and Facebook. But please make a list of the ones you could turn to in your hour of need and you will realise that these are the ones who will always be loyal to you.
So all I would have to say to the ones going through their dark times is – Find Your Tribe! It’s not easy but not impossible either.
WE need to remember that we are not the only ones fighting obstacles, failures, relationship issues and frustrations. There are many more around us going through the same thing, but hesitant, just like you and me to take the first step. All it takes is the courage to open up and the wisdom to know whom to open up to.
Our inspiration need not be derived just by the people around us. It could be inspiration that is found in the strangest and smallest of things. It could be an Inspirational Book, a Favourite Song, Someone’s motivational status on Whatsapp, a meaningful meme on Instagram, a funny video on YouTube. Just about anything that could make our day better and happier. But at the end of the day, nothing beats REAL LIFE, REAL MOMENTS and REAL RELATIONSHIPS WITH REAL HUMAN BEINGS!
Surround yourself with loved ones who bring out the BEST in you and not the BEAST in you. But yes, here I would like to also add that criticism should not bog you down either. Sometimes the toxic people around you who constantly put you down, belittle you, insult you are the ones who Challenge you to break barriers and make you overcome your limitations. AS Eleanor Roosevelt says “Do what you feel in your heart to be right – for you’ll be criticised anyway.
When you feel low in life (and this has worked in my life, I swear!) is to not just look around you for help, but more importantly to LOOKUP for help. It will come to you in the most miraculous way. All it requires is faith and patience.
Watch out for the Joy Stealers – (Gossip Mongers, Drama Kings and Queens, Fault Finders and Grumblers.)
Strive for the Joy – Givers (Cheerful friends, loved ones, Well Wishers, Good Music, Long Drives, Movies, Meditation, Love and family.)
A song from my daughter’s songbook that she sang to me a few days ago goes like this and I am sure the lyrics are very very meaningful and relevant to all of us.
This is how it goes…
In Country, Town or City
Some People can be found
Who spend their lives in Grumbling
At Everything Around.
OH Yes! They always grumble
No matter What We Say
For these are Chronic Grumblers
And they grumble Night and Day.
Oh they grumble on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday
Grumble on Thursday too. Grumble on Friday, Saturday, Sunday
Grumble the whole week through.
( IT GOES ON AND ON, but this is how it ends.)
If you don’t quit your grumbling
And stop it now and here
You’ll never get to heaven
No grumblers enter there
You know that grumbling people
Find it hard a crown to win.
So once again, this NEW YEAR 2020, wishing everyone a year FILLED WITH HAPPINESS, HOPE, PROSPERITY and more importantly LOVE, FAITH and PEACE.
RACHITHA POORNIMA CABRAL
ASSISTANT PROFESSOR
DEPARTMENT OF ENGLISH
SCHOOL OF SOCIAL WORK, ROSHNI NILAYA
MANGALORE