Finding Inner Peace..by breaking a few heads

My life was at a time, when I was, as they say, ‘on a roll’. I had everything under control, I was fit, had a beautiful healthy daughter and a fun loving husband. I felt fantastic and in control.

I realized my stress levels had hit an all-time high when we had run out of milk and I went berserk. It’s wasn’t as if I was cooking some exotic dish; all I wanted was a bowl of cornflakes. Tranquilizers might have helped, but I couldn’t decide who should take them, me or the rest of them. I had to do something before I went totally kaput and started talking to the television, or shrieked that the vacuum cleaner was stalking me. I decided to try yoga and why not, it’s been around for zillions of years. All those people with their legs tied up like pretzels looked serene and at peace…or were they ready to pass out from pain.

With my 3-year old running amok, not to mention salesmen calling, telephones ringing away and assorted neighbours stopping by to borrow something, the TV blaring with some hip hop Jazz, all had a mission i.e. to get at me.

I browsed the internet, and got a few yoga positions and breathing exercises and set out to find my inner peace. It had to be in the living room, ’cause that’s the best one can do in a flat. Yep, I was going to have tranquility at last…or maybe I should have tried harder for those tranquilizers instead.

I turned on the cartoons for Nashom to keep her busy and started my yoga. Some calming music to accompany my efforts would have been great, but then nowadays kids, mock at that choice of music, so what if she is just three.

I was doing all right until I got into the plank position. That’s when you get down on all fours and raise one arm and the opposite leg, while trying not to fall over and wobbling badly enough, there was Nashom climbing onto my raised leg wanting to ride, thinking I was begging her to play with me. Crying out loudly "GET OFF ME", she, absolutely thrilled, enjoying in the fun, had reached my neck, crawling over my back, wanting to swing. Inner peace had indeed turned to inner pain, standing with great difficulty, I decided to call it a day.

Wanting much to calm myself, clutching at straws, thought meditation is the answer. Would have been much saner to have taken some medication. ‘Go blank’… Think of nothing… and if thoughts dare intrude, just ignore them, concentrate on your breathing. Uh huh! Whoever wrote that never tried to meditate with small children in the house. Every time I closed my eyes, I got poked, to find out why my eyes were closing, or I’d either doze off only to snap them open seconds later because it was too quiet. Quiet toddlers are  horrifying; usually they’re either playing with the water in that timeless invention called the commode or challenging themselves to how high they could aim the tomato sauce. Believe me, it’s hard to be calm when images of your house in total chaos are running through your head.

I start my chant, but one has this premonition that it is doomed from the beginning. "OM… OM… OM…,  I am feeling good, I can feel the calmness surround me.." but never knew when I began…"OM, leave that alone….OM, put that vase down…OM,  the biscuits are in that box on the table…. OM,…OM…. oops uh huh, OM….let me get on, Concentrate…" You can imagine the effect this meditation and chanting were having on me. Maybe I should have chanted something else, like "Om, it’s a beautiful day…" Om, we are going to the Bahamas for a weekend getaway …. Om….ZZZZZzzzzz.

My husband just can’t understand why I make such a fuss. Ha-ha well he does not have to. Everything is ready when he comes, a stern command, "don’t disturb Dad, Dad is tired today," takes care of any untoward scenes and peacefully gets to watch the whole football game. He doesn’t have to spend the day shouting Mom-isms at ear-splitting decibels, like "Don’t mess the place again…Stop that…Don’t touch…"

The day doesn’t start off too badly. I get Rob off to work, grab a mug of tea and crawl back into bed with my laptop to check my email, one eye on the TV, watching "Aahat", I get some writing done and feel at peace with the world. It’s still not bad when Nashom gets up; we are at some playful bantering while watching "Tweenies" and have breakfast. It’s about 10:30 when things start going topsy turvy and by the time Rob gets home, my hair is standing on ends.

Rob: Sweetheart…How was your day?

Me: Ughhh!

Rob: Why do you let anything get to you? Do what I do, just tune out.

Me: If I tune out, all will unleash their supernatural powers and destroy the world.

Rob: You’ve been watching "Aahat" again, haven’t you?

I’d like to think, it’ll get better tomorrow. I’d also like to think I will scale the Everest.

OM, …Tomorrow, is another day…. OM, Tomorrow, I will remain calm…. "Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya tomorrow, its only a day away…." Part lyrics of "Tomorrow" from the Musical  Film "Annie"

Author: Sylvia DSouza- UAE