My last visit to india was in 1999. As you know when you visit your native, you have to make many trips to your uncle’s, aunt’s, grand’s, in-law’s, friends, and list goes on to visit all your loved ones. My grandma lived in a small town near Mangalore. I loved the place, fishing in the lake with my cousins, going for a swim… it was simply great. We sat in the porch over chat after dinner in the evening. There was one little family lived next to my grandma’s house. When we heard these little kids screaming my grandma said “look Celine started beating her kids”. Yes, i do not know if i call these kids being borned unfortunate? Every one in the neighbourhood pointed at Celine “Boozer Celine”. I heard many non-catholic people pointing at us Christians, that Christians are alcoholics! Are all Christians are alcoholics? Or did our people set an example to the community that we are alcoholics?
It is not easy task for a woman to accept the fact that she’s an alcoholic. Add to the equation that she may be someone’s mother, lover, or relative, for them living with her addiction is not an easy task. What is said in this story applies to just about everyone bound by blood or affection that lives with an alcholic woman.
In the above situation, living with that alcoholic mother was the ultimate test of patience and forgiveness for her kids. Never a physical person, this mother abused her kids in the most hurtful way you can abuse a child, emotionally. On drinking binges this mother would rant, rave, yell, and curse awful insults at those innocents, yet It was the eldest daughter of 12 year old, one to feed her when ill, clean her when soiled, and comfort her when the bottle could not.
I saw things any child should not see and heard things never intended for innocent ears. That home was a battleground of just one knight with baton as armor at night and a peaceful villa by day. Friends were never invited over, neighbours were never allowed to rescue those kids. After bad hangovers kids believed mother’s promises to never again touch the bottle but neighbours would not. They were often right, days or weeks later, she would start drinking again.
My grandma explained the story of this Celine. They lived happy life when her husband worked as a gas-welder in Saudi Arabia. One unfortunate day sadness took over this small beautiful family. Her husband died in the blast of gas cylinder when he worked. She never could come out of this shock never she could pay the debts that her husband had to build their new small house. She started working for daily wages, but came home drunk. After i heard this story i started thinking myself, do people drink for fun? to get out of stress? But there was no one for this women to lay her back on.
Women alcoholics, like her male counterparts while drunk do not make great companions. They veer from one extreme to another, are bitter, angry, secretive, depressed, resentful, and selfish. Yet those of us who stand by her side and travel that emotional rocky road to remain loyal, sympathetic, self-sacrificing souls, can make her to return to the loved one we once knew.
We should try not to condemn the alcoholic person in our life, whether it’s man or women. Treat them as you would anyone else that is sick because alcoholism is a sickness. An alcoholic does not choose to be the person that they are while drunk. However, there is an important exception, some alcoholics possess naturally bad temperaments that no amount of patience and forgiveness will assist. I truly feel that it is in our best interests to disassociate ourself from this type of person. Make an appropriate suggestion then leave it up to them to make their own decision.
Finally, there is no use setting your heart upon reforming an alcoholic, because no matter how hard you try, you may be unable to do so. I know many of the opinions here might seem hard, but an observance of some may help us to regain some sanity and structure in our life.
Author: Renita Pereira- USA