In last October 2003, I responded to a profile of a mangalorean boy in his late 20’s who was looking for a bride on one of the india’s largest matrimonial website. After exchanging couple of emails, he told me that he belonged to a highly respected well known family in mangalore. He also presented himself as a very pious person who fears God and who has a very strong sense of family and traditions. After spending many hours on the phone ?knowing? each other, we agreed to meet. I had to make the trip to meet him since he could not come to see me stating he would travel to india on christmas vacation.
We decided to meet once he got back from India. After having long hours of conversations and spending time knowing each other, we got along and decided to get married. We even went to a jewelry store to buy some jewelry to take along with us to india. We spent so many hours making plans for our future and dreaming about the day we are going to be together for good. He called my parents in Bombay and asked their permission for marriage. They agreed and so did my brother who lives here in the US. The plan was to get married in May soon after Easter and officially meet my brother. In February 2004, “his mother passed away” and we postponed our plans to get marry.
In the midst of all this, he started talking about having money problems claiming that the IRS was after him to pay more than $10,000 in late paid taxes. I told him that I could send him the money that I had in my saving?s account to help out with that burden that he was facing alone, and he accepted right away. A week later, he came up again with another problem that needed money, and when I told him that I had none he suggested that I withdraw it from my credit cards. I told him that I never did such a thing before and that I don?t like to be in debt, and his reply was that I was the only family he had in the US and that between a husband and a wife there should be trust, love, and sacrifice. He swore that he would pay back everything in full once he gets the $80,000 that he sold his house for. I believed him and I kept withdrawing money with an interest rate of 19% from my credit cards and sending it to him in order to help with the disasters that kept falling on his head until I reached $15,000.
On many occasions, I voiced my fears to him and he kept reassuring me that things will go back to normal and that he would pay back every penny that I sent him. I was very mad at him because of his lack of pride in asking for money from a student who was struggling to make ends meet. At the same time, I could not voice that frustration to anyone of my friends and family because I wanted everyone to respect the man that I chose to be my husband.
I finally ?woke up? from my dream when he asked me for money to buy tickets for him and his brother because their mom was dying. He told me afterwards that they got there ten hours before their mom passed away; and that without me, they would never had seen her alive for the last time. I once got an email from him asking me not to discuss the money problems that we were facing because the email ID he was using would be opened by his sister and he did not want her to know about anything.
One day, he called me from the airport in DC informing me that he just got back from India with only $15 in his pocket, and that he does not have enough money to get home from the airport. Afterwards, he would call me each time to ask for money because he was homeless and starving.
In April, he called me to ask for any money I had and I told him that I had none spared to send him, and that I was financially ruined because of him with so many piled unpaid bills. The following day, he called me and told me not to panic if I don?t hear from him in the following days. He said that he had some conference to attend and that he would show up in May to help me move to Virginia where we were going to settle. A week later, I got an email from his “sister” who was in “UAE” then, informing me that he collapsed on the streets in NY and that he was taken to a hospital there and she would come to see him. Since then, I never heard from either one of them, and my constant emails to both of them were ignored.
In the midst of all this mess, I had to pull myself together in order to face many dilemmas by myself. I did not?and do not have the courage to tell my family about what happened. In the matter of few months, my stable life got scrambled and I still do not know where I am going to land. I told everyone that I was getting married and that I was going to VA. No one understood why I was still around after the graduation and I still ignore all questions that I read on their faces. Here I am broke, jobless, scared, and lost. The future seems very grim and I am hoping that I would get out of this nightmare sane and sound. The only things left for me are the emails I exchanged with the thief?that is how I refer to him now, pictures of us, the receipts of the wires that I sent him, and a strong bitterness towards myself and the world I am living in.
Many people who read this, would think that it was my fault and that I helped put myself in this mess. To those I say that I am a very honest person who simply believes in the human goodness. A friend of mine burst into tears when I had the courage to tell her about my story and was telling me ?I always told you that you are so naive!? What was I supposed to do when someone I got along with asked me for marriage? What was I supposed to do when that same person asked me for help? What is happening in this world? Do honesty, trust and truthfulness have no place in today?s morals? I have so many unanswered questions that I am still trying to find answers for. One thing I am sure of though, I DID NOT deserve what happened to me and God knows how good my intentions were. I wanted to settle down with someone from my own background and have a family and kids and instead I got robbed in subtle way.
I finally decided to publish this story on this website as a form of exorcism to get out some of the bitterness, anger and frustration that are driving me crazy hoping that it would be a good lesson to learn from my piers. I know that he is visiting this website also. I also know that he?s still posting his profile on the same website where we met, to get another victim. My point of publishing my story is to warn women of him, he changes his name and lies like he breathes.
Author: Vinitha Dsouza- USA