Lives filled with love! Couples share on V-Day Secrets of their long Married Life

“Until the end of time, I’ll be there for you. You own my heart and mind, I truly adore you. If God one day struck me blind, your beauty I’d still see. Love is too weak to define, just what you mean to me”— Prince, Adore (1987)

Mangaluru: In a world of quick marriages and even quicker divorces, it’s easy to be a cynic about love. These five couples will restore your faith just in time for Valentine’s Day. We’re all in the mood to hear great love stories, especially in February when Cupid’s arrow finds its mark on the hearts of so many. Team Mangalorean spoke to a few vintage and middle-age couples with marriages spanning decades about their secrets to falling in love for a lifetime. Valentine’s Day may come just once a year, but the love these couples have for each other is anything but fleeting. We would love to share their stories with you.

Love can be a splendid thing. It can be rooted in instant attraction or allowed to blossom slowly, deliberately. Five couples whose relationships are rooted in puppy love paused recently to share the powerful, mysterious emotion that binds them together, for better or worse.

The feels of setting their feet in a new place, the thrill of trying out the unfamiliar, and the bliss and excitement of discovering the unknown, for these awesome people, are better shared with the love of their life. Because February is the love month, we’d like to be with you in breathing and sniffing love in the air, so we decided to feature our five couple friends and let them share their love story and family life.

The Journey of Our Love!

by Joseph Shammy Dlima (Entrepreneur), married to Sonia Dlima (Beautician and owner of Sony Beauty Parlour)

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away ‘-1 Corinthians 13:4-8

It was 26 years ago on one winter evening that I happened to visit my friend’s house not knowing that I would be meeting my life partner for the first time there. I saw the woman of my dreams dressed in red and white and I fell in love with her at first sight. Days and weeks passed by, and slowly we became intimate friends. About six months later I decided on asking her out on a date- and this is where I propose d her – This sweet 17 year old shy girl didn’t say anything but all she told me was that her heart skipped a beat when she first saw me. So that’s when I got an answer to my question.

As we had our parents approval, I used to take her out only with the consent of her parents. We attribute the success of our love life to the trust we had in God, and each other. Before it got too late, I gave it a thought of getting married to this beautiful lady and on the 1st May in the year 1998, the two of us became one in the Sacrament of marriage.

Everything seemed like a bed of roses initially but it was only when we actually started living together as a couple did we realize the difficulties of life. Love is not only about going on dates, watching movies or singing love songs, it’s also about patience, fidelity, unselfishness and kindness as the days go on. As we promised and vowed to stand by each other in times of trial and difficulty, we know that we both will have each other’s shoulders to lean on. Today we are a happily, married couple for the 17 years and wish that our love grows fonder and stronger as years go by.

Despite having a lot of ups and downs in life, our faith in the good Lord never decreased and he answered all our prayers. In the year 2000, we were blessed with an angel Sarah, who is who is the apple of our eye. After a gap of 4 years we thought that she needed a companion and decided to have another child. We were happy to have been blessed with an innocent little boy, Chris. We are ever grateful to God for giving us each other as life partners and for the choicest blessings he has showered upon us and our two lovely children.

A small message from us on this Valentine’s Day: Seek and offer forgiveness that is forgo, forebear, forget and forgive • Be positive about each other and grow together • Do not dominate each other • Listen to one another patiently and be polite to each other • Spend sufficient time with each other and communicate • Share your happiness and sorrows with your mate • Build trust into your marriage • Always appreciate one for anything good or rightly said or done. • If there is a quarrel make peace before you go to bed • Believe truly, trust blindly, be honest and above all LOVE UNCONDITIONALLY. ‘I do’ is the first phrase in the couplet of marriage that makes the beautiful poem of life complete.

B T Salian BSc M Tech (Moscow) and Dr Anasuya B Salian MBBS; DA

Ours was neither a love marriage nor an arranged one. Anasuya was a medical student and it seems that she had a couple of proposals, one from an established city lawyer and another from a doctor. She had requested the parents not to pressurize her for alliance, since she wished to live an independent.

Her elder sister was from my neighborhood in Bombay before I went to Moscow for my Post-graduation. She had once asked me to advise the younger sister to follow the family traditions and agree to get married. A few days later I wrote an introductory letter that she should abide by the the traditions of our families and should not remain a spinster. A couple of weeks later she wrote back a casual letter asking about my studies and about Moscow etc., but not single word was mentioned about the marriage proposals.

That was the beginning and the correspondence from both sides continued for nearly two years.The contents varied from music, dramatics, science and a bit of political situation in our country etc. Probably our thoughts were of common nature, as they call ‘ like minded’. IQ levels might have matched as well and finally our friendship culminated in marriage. We never wanted horoscopes to be referred as usually is the case with our families. Wedding formalities went on with full blessings of both parents. Today we are a happy family.

All we have to say to the new couples in their married life is : Grow up all you want but never let the innocence of love wither away. As you become man and wife, you will have two dreams to fulfill, two ambitions to achieve, two hearts to cherish and two lives to live to the fullest. Appreciate every note, nuance, complexity and flavor of your marriage to make it romantic, and passionate. Celebrations will come and go, but love will forever grow. Nurture it and bask in its hues! Regardless of where life’s journey takes you, never forget how true is the love between you two.

How I Met My Soul Mate! –

by Dr Prabha Dr Prabha Adhikari M.R (Professor of Internal Medicine; Ex Dr TMA Pai Endowment Chair in Geriatrics and Gerontology ; Former HOD Medicine-Kasturba Medical College, Mangalore) Married to : Prof. Dr.C.V.Raghuveer-MBBS, MD, DCP, FIC Path-presently the Registrar, Yenepoya University; Former Dean, Kasturba Medical College, Mangalore; Former Director of Compliance( Health Sciences) Manipal University; Former Medical Director, Srinivas Institute of Medical Sciences & Research; Former Dean, Srinivas Institute of Medical Sciences & Research

I strongly believe that it is destiny that brought us together .I was the fourth daughter of my parents and he was the fourth son to his parents .Both of us had nothing but education as the only property .Both of us belonged to large middle class families. Both of us were doing our MD.s When my elder sister`s classmate suggested to my parents through an aunt of mine that we would make a perfect match, Raghuveer and I immediately agreed to tie the wedding knot without hesitation after we just had a glimpse of each other for a couple of minutes.

In just two weeks we fell in love with each other and got married. It is 30 years since it happened. However our love for each other has grown stronger as we walked through our married life. He has stored my name in his mobile as” Soul Mate” – Indeed he is my soul mate too and I am lucky to have him as my husband ,friend ,mentor .Together we have been able to grow professionally, and personally. We have enjoyed raising our lovely children ,we have enjoyed caring for our elders .

We are lucky to be blessed with two lovely children ,Son Pracheth , a community Physician and daughter Priya ,a soft ware engineer .We were also lucky to be blessed with the opportunity of serving our elders, my late affectionate mother-in-law, Indira Bai , my great father, late M.A Ramachandra Rao, when they were ill .We are blessed to be living in the same building as my mother and enjoy the positive energy that she emits always .We are also lucky to have got another addition to our family , daughter-in -law, Kavya whom I consider as my first daughter

Marriage is about sharing and caring.We shared everything ,joy, sorrow, success ,failures ,cooking, cleaning ,raising kids ,changing nappies ,educating kids, to getting them settled in their professional lives. We cared for each other`s family members accepting his brothers and sisters as my own and he accepting my sisters as his own In return we have got plenty of love from all of them.Unconditional love is the basis of our happy married life .Probably we had very little time for each other due to our busy schedule ,but I know I am always with him as a soul mate and he is with me as my soul mate.

On this Valentine`s day , I wish all young couples a happy married life, life full of sharing and caring .I wish all of you get a perfect partner just as I have got and enjoy a happy blissful married life .I wish all those who are not yet married also to get into this institution of unconditional love ,sharing and caring

Surendra Bekal and Vijayalakshmi Bekal:

I am Surendra Bekal aged 67 and my wife Vijayalakshmi is 62 years of age.We got married 43 years ago and ours was a arranged marriage. I am a diploma holder in civil engineering from Karnataka Polytechnic-Mangaluru (1968 batch), where my wife had completed her PUC. We are blessed with three children -one son and two daughters, who are all married. We are proud grandparents of four grand-kids.

I served more than 40 years in Southern and in South Western Railway Construction Wing. Our son is a M B A & ICWA graduate, now employed in IIFL- Mumbai.One daughter is a graduate and employed at Madhusudan Kushe Institution-Mangaluru, while other daughter is a MCA graduate employed in Gulf Bank- Dubai

As a couple we love each other internally and externally. We as husband and wife had misunderstanding several occasions which were never prolonged more than one day. We used to settle things by discussion ourselves and we used to start the next day with new dreams. We used to forgive and forget the bad things happened earlier. We live today as a new couple, while the rest is left to God.

Our grandchildren have asked us how we made it for so long and I told them four things — respect, forgiveness, letting it go and having patience. A sense of humor is also very important. But after 43 years of marriage, anything that has to be resolved really comes down to two words, ‘yes, dear’.

Our small message to the new couples : Husband and wife are the two wheels of a cart, if one is damaged the cart can’t move. Understand each other, discuss any issues with each other and settle things when ever required. Learn to forgive and forget bad events; Be open to your better half.Nobody is big or small. Remember always that neither husband is big nor wife is a slave. If you realize this, your life will be very happy. Thank you-May god bless all the new and vintage couples.

  Mr & Mrs Deviprada Ravindra Hegde

We were married on 21/6/1995, and we have completed 20 years of happily married life, and blessed with two lovely daughters. We’re thankful to God for this lovely family. Our secret to a long-lasting marriage: “You need a lot of tolerance and acceptance on both sides. We love spending lots of time together, but we also have our own individual interests. Get-together and involvement in various activities has always been a big part of our life, and we really love learning and living our lives to the fullest.

There will be struggles, but you need to persevere because things do get better. We don’t argue. Well, we’ve never won an argument, so why bother? We’ve had a charmed life and we’re very fortunate. And we have God to thank for it. Celebrating Valentine’s Day may not be a special day for us, for it’s not just love we are celebrating – it’s also celebrating our lives that we shared together for so many years.

We are so fortunate to have our complete family around us. We go to events/shopping and do other fun things together, we celebrate birthdays. Our children are still our hobby. To the newly married couple-“Think of your marriage as a rubber band. It will get stretched, pulled, twisted, tugged and bent as you go through life’s phases. But at the end of the day, it will still hold you together. Your wedding may be a grand celebration but the greatest party of your life will come in the form of many blissfully happy years of married life that lie ahead. As soul mates, you will be enchanting. As partners, you will be so fine. As lovers, you will be sizzling. As a couple, you will be just divine”.

Among the thousand steps that you have taken together in the journey of your lives and your relationship, your married life will be the best one.