Sheela could not hold back her tears after she received a long distance call from her brother informing her of the seriousness of her mother’s illness. She wasted no time to catch the next flight to Mumbai to be with her mother in her last moments. This is what Sheela had to tell me on her return of what happened down in Mumbai. It goes like this that though her mother was in her complete senses when she arrived, yet she did not show any sign of happiness to see Sheela in front of her, but was all the time murmuring to all present there ? “I am going now, but please take care of my son”.
Sheela felt hurt at the discrimination her mum always had from childhood between the two children, though her brother was six years older to her. She never ever understood even till this moment why her mother always favoured her brother to her. While telling me this, in a fraction of a second she expressed this thought that passed her mind ? “My mum will never love me, not even on her dying bed”.
This same incident may have happened in many homes in our community, and how do we deal with it is a big question mark. Many of us over the years have learnt to grow with such things, but later on it plays a lot on our minds. Sheela tells me that she always longed to get the love and attention from her mother, but words like “You were born by mistake”, “From the time you were born misfortune has set in”, “You are a curse” ring in her ear even today.
Sheela grew up with inferiority complexes torturing her mind. She was unable to confide to her mother a lot of problems she went through while growing up. Some parents may show favouritism subconsciously by taking sides depending on the gender or age of the child. This favouritism of parents is deep rooted in a child who finds difficulty in swallowing the fact that he or she is less preferred compared to other siblings. It is a painful experience difficult to digest and one is not able to leave it behind. Favoured children tend to have better self esteem, yet can also be spoiled and manipulative.
On the other hand, with healthy self-esteem, they could tend to be high achievers and do well. Disfavoured children tend to have lower self-esteem, which can either make them try harder or give up too easily. Trying to please is one of the characteristics that might make them either compliant or rebellious. In their future life they are unable to cope up with difficult situations and may end up wrecked adults.
So parents, all children are a gift of God. Learn to accept them in your lives in whatever way they are given to you, afterall you are accountable to God for all your action ? good and evil.
Author: Paskaline Dsouza- UAE