I was a happy man driving back home from work. Not many a days I had this feeling. For once, today, my boss acknowledged that I work hard. He also gave me something to cheer up? two VIP tickets worth Dhs.1000 each, to a festival fund raising match!
We Indians are cricket fans. We might not know our bank balance as of date, but we know exactly how much runs Sachin has scored as of now. We know almost everything from ‘leg before’ to ‘super sub’ and majority of us know reasonably well that when we say ‘power play’ has ended it does not refer to the Dalmiya period, but to the fielding restrictions.
Such is our craze for cricket that we have ignored other games. Like for example, I felt all of a sudden uncomfortable when I looked at the tickets. The tickets were for a football match. I would have jumped in joy had it been for a game of cricket. Nevertheless, it is two tickets of Dhs.1000 each!
I had decided to go and watch the match come what may, for two reasons- one it is not fair to waste the tickets even though I had not paid for it and second and more important, nobody knows that I had not paid for these tickets anyway. I could sit posing for a full one and half hours like a stinking rich gentleman who can afford to buy tickets like this!
I could however foresee one problem. I had only two tickets. Who should I take along? At once two people got into reckoning. One is my friend who is from Goa and the other… you guessed it right! …my wife!
I knew my friend from Goa would love to join me for this match. He was a club level player while he was in Goa and he was promptly dispatched to Dubai when his parents could no longer control his passion for football and alcohol. He would have been an ideal person to explain me what happened in the field (In the foot ball field I can not make out anything other than the ball getting into the goal) but the problem with him was his style of enjoying the match with a bottle! He was famous for picking up battles with referee too! I felt it is too risky to take him – it is my prestige at stake. Tell me- even though it’s an international match, how can I vouch for the fairness of a referee whom I do not know?
I decided to take my wife along. After all the decision to take her along was already taken long back that too for once and for all you see! It is her right to be with me in all such important occasions and this is nothing less than a lifetime opportunity! Sitting at the VIP gallery and watching the match with the elite citizens, likely to be seen on TV all around the world! Even though her knowledge of the game is no better than mine, I was sure she would be delighted to pose to the TV camera sitting on a VIP lounge!
I could no longer bear the thrill of this suspense can create at home. I parked the car and called home. “Darling, I have a surprise for you… a life time opportunity” As usual, she did not believe. She had written me off- to the extent- with NIL salvage value. How would she believe at once on a lifetime offer?
The only difference I noticed as I reached home was that the door was open. I waited for five full minutes- there was no curiosity in her face at all! I could not bear it any more. “We are going to watch a football match!” I announced. Still there is no curiosity in her!
I explained her whole thing. “Dhs. 1000 tickets!.. We will be sitting on the VIP lounge!! It’s an international match!!!” ? still there was no response. “Sports channel is covering it live- we could be seen on TV in 170 odd countries all over the world “I was announcing one after the other like an Indian lottery ticket salesman but there is no response!
She came with a cup of tea. I saw straight into her face and waving the two tickets in my hand, I told at the lowest of the voice. “OK… if you are not interested, I will call Shashidhar, my Goan friend. I do not want this Dhs.1000 ticket to go waste”
She gave me the tea and took the tickets. For a few seconds, there was no apparent expression on her face.
I finished the cup of tea and gave back the empty cup to her- still no word from her! I thought there is no further need to wait and told her “OK so you are not coming …let me call Shashidhar”
Then came a slow voice” which saree I will wear?”
I was pleased? ultimately she is willing to come!
“Anything should be fine ?Dress up fast. We need to be there by 7 PM. It is already 4 PM” I hurried her up.
“Is it a day and night match? Then that pink saree won’t look good. On TV camera it looks dull. The blue saree with the black border looks gorgeous at night. What do you say?”
This was the problem I had anticipated.
I told her that the TV crew would be busy telecasting the match. “May be they will flash the camera once in a while on the public. Anything will do. Dress up neatly and we should start in half an hour’s time? consider the traffic” I told her showing the urgency.
“You are always like this. Never give me chance to dress up or make up and look good”. Murmured my wife and went inside.
Even I had a small problem – what to wear? We would be sitting in VIP lounge and
TV camera is going to be there. Any trousers will do but a branded T shirt is a must
I thought.
I was dressed up and waiting but no news from my wife! Thirty minutes is less by any standards I thought. After fifteen minutes my wife came out “Jyoti says saree won’t look nice. It does not look international. How about trousers and T shirt?” She asked.
“The match is for one and half hours. By the time you consult all your friends and get ready, it will get over” I told her raising my voice purposefully.
This had the desired effect. She was out with a trousers and T shirt in ten minutes flat.
We started off.
While I was driving, she was busy calling her friends…
The fact that we are going to witness a match was made into news within fifteen minutes!
“We will sit closer to the camera” commented my wife. “Sheela was telling that if it was from a distance, the flower design on my T shirt might not be seen on TV”.
I agreed on her suggestion on one condition- she should not call any more friends!
“Only one more …” she requested. This time the call was to Rashmi- with instructions to video record the live telecast.
“We are physically going there to see the match live. Why you want to see the recording again?” I asked in wonder.
“Use your brains… I want to see how we looked there in VIP lounge” pat came the reply!
We reached the stadium just on time. On seeing the tickets, we were allowed straight into the restricted parking. Just two minutes to park and get in! If somebody else were paying, I would not mind allocating Dhs 500 for this parking alone! Its years since I parked this way in Dubai!
We sat on the seats shown to us. The TV crew was making rounds. My wife was visibly happy! Inaugural formalities were about to start. The stadium was full. The noise levels were quite high. We had to shout for others to hear what we wanted to say.
My wife came very close to my ear and asked, “Who won the toss?”
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…People started leaving the place. The TV cameraman focused on us again and I thought that this was the last time…
“It’s immaterial. Toss is just for kick off ” I guided her.
Up went the whistle and here it goes!
Both of us were watching the ball. For a moment it appeared as if the players were testing the ball and the ground. All were trying to have the control of the ball. Nobody is interested in scoring a goal I thought.
After following the ball on the field for ten minutes, my wife lost interest.
“Why they are not trying to score goals?” She was impatient.
“Wait. They will score” I pacified her.
“Medha was telling me they would focus the TV camera on the spectators soon after the goal is scored” murmured my wife with disgust. Now I knew why my wife wanted someone to score a goal.
Five more minutes passed. The ball never entered the striking area even.
“I would have rather stayed at home” grumbled my wife.
I pretended as if I was concentrating on the game.
Suddenly there was collusion between two players; while one player went down tumbling the other was holding his arm in pain. There was a sudden silence all around.
“Show him red!” shouted somebody from behind. I could see an elderly person rushing near the borderline. Putting both hands around his mouth, he was shouting at top of his voice..
My wife was shocked to see nobody rushing near the fallen player.” let somebody help him” she shouted.
“Don’t worry ma’am… he is acting as if he is in pain…just to get a penalty shootout” commented somebody sitting in front.
“That was a mistake, he should be given at least a yellow card” shouted another pointing at the player.
By that time the referee came running and showed a yellow card to the player holding his arm in pain.
As if nothing had happened, the player on the ground got up ? I was surprised!
“I told you ma’am? see he is fine” the person in front was beaming that his judgment was right.
I do not know how much my wife understood this. But I understood their tactics. They show that they are hurt to impress the referee. I explained the same to my wife.
“Two yellows mean one red and red means no further part in the game.” Added a gentleman sitting next to me.
Then suddenly there was a whistle and the play stopped. TV cameras were beamed on us. My wife instantaneously started posing. She looked at one of the cameraman.
And jumped in joy “can you recognize him? She asked me. “He is the one who video graphed our marriage!”
I did not remember him and therefore, did not show any interest.
“Now go and tell him that we are here, he will show us more on TV” she explained and started waving at him. Probably he recognized us ? he started focusing us several times!
The match started again.
I could not understand why that gentleman was coming to the borderline and shouting at the players every now and then. I asked the person sitting next to me. He laughed at my question and replied? “He is the coach. If these boys do not win, his job is at stake. He will be kicked around after the match. That is why he is trying his best.”
Then there was a big roar. One of the players came till the boarder line, showed his belly and danced! Belly dance… At last, I saw it in Dubai! Crowd burst in joy. My wife was looking at me and I was looking at her.
Suddenly there was an announcement on the mike
“It’s a goal”
“I didn’t see” I told my wife.
“Even I didn’t. Don’t worry; we will see it on video at home” whispered my wife.
There was collusion once more.
“It is yellow card” I told
“No red “told my wife.
The referee took yellow card. I was happy on two counts – my guess was right and my wife’s wasn’t!
A minute later there was another collusion. This time it was a big one. Both the players were down on the ground.
“May be yellow” told my wife even before I could guess.
“This is bigger. I think it is red” I put my opinion forward.
The referee came and nothing happened. He signaled free kick and the play continued!
“It’s a strange game” told my wife. “May be since both fell on the ground punishment is waived”
Then there was blow of the whistle.
The referee was holding the ball. Players of one team stood like soldiers (with their hands covering their private parts as if they did not wear any underwear!) in front of the goal. The public was roaring. The ball was kept on the floor. There was a sudden burst of action and one player kicked the ball. God alone knows what happened.
Probably the ball went inside the goal and in that case, it is another goal, I thought.
Then came the announcement – Yes, it is goal again!
After this, every player was kicking the ball in all directions. Then there was yet another collusion. I did not venture to predict the color of the card. My wife told it is yellow. But the referee took the red card. All the players rounded up the referee shouting at him and pushing him. I was reminded of Shashidhar. Thank god I did not bring him along!
Then there was a long whistle.
The play stopped and one team started running around the stadium. People started leaving the place. The TV cameraman focused on us again and I thought that this was the last time before players went to prize distribution area.
We walked up to the car. There was a spate of mobile calls for my wife.
All that I could get to hear was that my wife was telling everybody “it was very nice… we thoroughly enjoyed it”
On our way back we did go to my wife’s friend Rashmi’s home and picked up the video cassette. We have watched it more than 10 -12 times so far. Stop playing it anywhere and I could easily tell “what happens next” in that match!
My wife is a good cook. If you want to taste lovely Indian food, give her a call and tell her that you wanted to see that football match. You are bound to get a formal invitation within next few days for a dinner. All that you should remember is that a red flower on a yellow T-shirt looks good at night!
About the Author: |
Mr Gopinath Rao is a chartered accountant working in Dubai. He writes humor articles and is very active in kannada literature too. Mr. Rao also edits www.kannadadhvani.com, a kannada web weekly.Author: Gopinath Rao- UAE
