Thoughts on Parenting
Bengaluru: “My child is 6 years old, said the worried mother. “Every morning it is a big hurry and rush to get her ready for school. She doesn’t eat her breakfast, so at times I have to force her, but even that doesn’t help much! She is stubborn and refusing to eat, I am helpless and frustrated and at the end, I end up shouting and she ends up crying! Going off to school and facing the day, should be a happy pleasant time for her! I feel so guilty and helpless but I just don’t know what to do! please help! “
This is a common problem in most homes, but not a very difficult one to surmount. Parents have to just take care of a few simple rules here. First of all, Parents must start with the maintaining of a few regular habits.
Maintaining Regular Sleep-waking schedules:
Small children require 8-9 hours of good qualitative sleep. Now calculate the time required for a child to attend to all her own morning routines like brushing, washing her face, her toileting needs, bath, dressing as well as checking her Time- Table and packing her bag for the day and finally eating her Breakfast. How much time would all this require? Shall we say around 2 hours for a small child? (She must begin learning skills to be independent)
Now, Suppose she has to be ready for the school vehicle at 8 AM. Calculate the time backwards to see when she must wake up, so that she has 2 hours of time for learning how to complete all her morning routines with minimum help in a relaxed cheerful manner. She must then, definitely be woken up at 6 AM. Now again count 8 -9 hours backward to calculate what time she must positively be in bed, to be able to wake up fresh at 6 AM? So now we understand she must be in bed by latest 9 or 9:30 PM. Right?
Now this is the child’s Home -Timings. Once you decide your Home Timings you should follow it consistently patiently and firmly! School timings don’t change. Why should Home schedules be haphazard and sloppy? Experts tell us that Children’s Brains and personalities function best when they have stable Schedules and dependable routines.
Food Habits and Fussy Eating: Haven’t we all heard the saying ‘Children live to eat’? Children live to eat and love to eat, but sadly some Parents make them hate to eat! Is your child a poor or fussy eater?
Eating too slowly especially before going to school? The important point is the child may not be really hungry when sitting at the breakfast table. Now, in continuation of the matter discussed above, if the child wakes up at 6 am, she has a good bit of time to work up a healthy appetite. If she is a poor eater, give her milk, only after breakfast not immediately on waking up, as milk can reduce her appetite. Make sure that no negative comments or pushing (Ex: Hurry Up! Eat Fast! You’ll be late! The bus will go off! ) are made at the Dining table. Keep the note pleasant positive and encouraging. (Ex: “Great! You are focused. You are eating well You are on time! You can do it! “
Ideally, the whole family must sit together for breakfast as it is the most important part of beginning the Day together as a family! A short family prayer also before or after the meal helps strengthen the child’s mind tremendously and enables her to calmly face all challenges and problems.
Training your child to become Independent and self- reliant:
Now to be able to make the above a successful pattern, Parents have a lot of planning and organizing to do so that they are stress free in the mornings.
The child also can be taught how to be organized and planned. For example packing the bag according to the Timetable the previous night before going to bed, Checking the Diary, keeping all school items ready for the next morning, like Uniform, tie, ID card, shoes socks etc
We are all creatures of habits and Habits are for a life time! Parents must start early with instilling good habits in the child. All this will help to build focus, responsibility, self-reliance and self -confidence very early on!
About Dr Elizabeth Daniel:
Dr. Elizabeth Daniel, BA-Ed (Regional Inst.Mysore) MA, MPhil, PhD- (NIMHANS) Professor and Clinical Child Psychologist, is a renowned Clinical child Psychologist of 36 years. Currently she is Child Mental Health Expert (HON) –RBSK Directorate of Health and Family welfare, Govt of Karnataka, Training District Govt. Psychiatrists and Pediatricians as well as Medical Officers in early Identification of developmental and Behavioural Disorders. She is also a Consultant Clinical Psychologist at the (JNCASR) Jawaharlal Nehru Centre for Advanced Scientific Research Jakkur, at Bengaluru; and a Guest Faculty- training MPhil and PhD Clinical Paediatric Psychology candidates at ‘Sweekar Institute of Paediatric Rehabilitation ‘Hyderabad
Having secured Gold Medals both at the Masters as well as MPhil from NIMHANS, she obtained her Doctorate in Clinical Child Psychology from NIMHANS and has Additional Training in Neuro-Developmental Therapy and Sensory Integrated Therapy- Training (sponsored by Jeena Inc. USA at KMC Mangalore). She worked formerly as Professor of Paediatric Psychology,– Yenepoya Medical College, & at Dept of Psychiatry K M C, Mangaluru. She was invited to serve as a Professor to the School of Psychology and Education University Malaysia Sabah, Malaysia (2010) as an expert Consultant in Child and Family Unit, and was a Research Guide to the Undergraduates and Postgraduate students of Malaysia. In her work of more than 3 decades at the Medical College & Hospitals at Kerala & Karnataka, she has founded and headed Child Guidance Clinics, to treat Emotional and Behavioural problems of children and Teenagers.
Dr Elizabeth Daniel had served on the Juvenile Justice Board-, Govt of Karnataka; as the Expert – Syllabus Draft Committee and as External Examiner Department of Clinical Psychology, Kasturba Medical College Manipal University; Member, Board of Ethics MCODS Mangalore , Manipal University; Member, Board of Studies, PG Department of Pediatrics, Yenepoya Medical College, and Yenepoya Deemed University Mangalore, DK, and Karnataka; Member, Centre for Prevention of Drug and Substance Abuse, Yenepoya Medical College; and Conducts Faculty Development Programmes /in Schools Engineering and other Colleges and , Student Study Skills, Life Skills Suicide Prevention, Stress Management & Parent Effectiveness Workshops
by Dr Elizabeth Daniel
